Bird Boy
Chapter 8
Close your eyes for a moment and try to imagine it. Just picture a darkness so thick it’s almost palpable, like the view from inside a buried coffin a few minutes past the witching hour on a moonless night.
Now, try and wrap your mind around the idea of spending time in that degree of blackness -- a lot of time.
No, not the infinite, here.
But whole days, flowing seamlessly, one into the other.
Weeks, without let-up.
And all the while, you’re imprisoned in an inky, undiluted absence of light that leaves you wondering whether you’re asleep, drugged, blind, or simply dead.
For Dov, there was no day, no night.
Just twenty-nine days, three hours and forty-four minutes of the darkness -- time enough to become intimately familiar with every shade, every texture and subtle nuance of the void.
To fully experience what nothing looks like.
What nothing feels like.
Sounds like.
Smells like.
And even tastes like.
Dov knew it was time to start edging back up from the blackness, even before he started. The coma was well into its fourth week and it just felt like the time was right, or something.
He was starting to become aware of things, particularly sounds, even while he was still down, resting in the blackness.
There was the hum of a fluorescent light nearby.
The faint, high-pitched tone produced by a television that couldn’t have been more than a few yards away.
He could pick out several different sets of footsteps; some belonging to leather-soled street shoes; others, to footwear shod in softer materials like crepe rubber.
And there was a strange, slowly rhythmic sound he just couldn’t identify. His curiosity about that noise would eventually draw him all the way back from the darkness and nothing, and into the full light of day.
It was an odd noise, something he knew he had heard before; he just couldn’t place it. A sort of “Hisssssssssss-plunk” that at first, he thought was happening randomly.
Then he noticed the way the sound would repeat itself, slowly and mechanically -- each repetition identical to the one that had preceded it.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
Lying there with his eyes still shut, Dov just knew he had heard this sound somewhere, but where? In a way, he was enjoying the challenge of trying to solve this auditory mystery.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
What the heck was it?
Some kind of machine, right?
But what kind?
Still keeping his eyes shut, Dov was getting into the game he had created for himself.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
He absently took a breath, noticing that his left earlobe itched.
Hmmm, that’s strange…
Dov took another breath.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
It’s like this machine makes its noise every time I breathe…
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
But only when I breathe…
His ear was still itching, as if he never even bothered scratching it.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
Wait, did I scratch it? Or didn’t I?
I must have, right? I mean, why wouldn’t I?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
This whole thing was getting just a little too creepy, and he didn’t like some of the conclusions his mind was trying to take him to.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
OK, screw the stupid game. What the Hell is going on here?
Dov forced his eyes open. He rolled them to the left and saw the thick, translucent tubing taped to his shoulder. He rolled them to the right, and followed the tubing to where it disappeared into the machine that was mounted on a stand, next to him.
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
The machine appeared to be the source of the noise. And this whole thing was starting to scare the crap out of him.
Where the Hell am I?
And how did I get there?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
And what’s that freakin’ machine?
And why does my whole body feel like it’s made out of numbed Jell-O?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
And what the Hell is that freakin’ machine and why am I hooked up to it!?
And where’s Kim? And my Dad? And who’s this geeky looking guy with the beard and glasses, who keeps staring at me?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
And why the Hell can’t I hear my own voice?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
He couldn’t speak and the more he rolled his eyes around the strange room, the more frightened he got.
What the Hell is going on here?
What had happened to him?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
Why did it feel like he couldn’t move? Now he was starting to really freak.
Then he finally identified the source of the noise.
And the knowledge made his blood run cold.
Omigod, it’s a ventilator! One of those machines for people who can’t breathe on their own!
He’d seen them plenty of times, on those medical shows on TV.
I’m hooked up to a freakin’ ventilator!!!
Hisssssssssss-plunk. Hisssssssssss-plunk.
Oh Jesus Christ, what the Hell happened?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?!?
* * *
“So you see, son, you’re pretty lucky to be alive.”
It turned out the geek with the beard and glasses had been the attending physician in the Emergency Room when Dov was brought in.
And, since Dov’s situation had been so much more interesting than the typical car crash, farm machinery-related accidental amputation or alcohol, drug or insecticide overdose cases he usually saw, the took taken more interest in him and his condition than he normally would have.
He stood up, a little self-consciously, having just finished explaining a lot to Dov.
About the accident that got him there, and how, on top of everything else, he had almost drowned after his collision with the rocks.
About the permanent damage to his spine, and how it affected almost all the sensory and motor nerves in his body, leaving him not only almost four inches shorter than before, but permanently paralyzed, as well.
About how he had been in a coma for the past twenty-nine days.
About how, between the near drowning and the injuries to his spine, almost every muscular or voluntary function in Dov’s body – from breathing to moving his bowels – would now and for the rest of his life, have to be taken over and performed by a machine of some kind.
The bad news was, he was totally paralyzed except for his eyes, unable to move any limb, or even breathe or swallow on his own. Unable to emote, communicate or even make himself understood.
The worse news was, from everything they could determine, the damage was permanent and irreversible.
The even worse news was, he could still expect to live a somewhat normal life span – obviously, barring such things as bacterial infection, communicable disease or a power failure long enough to exhaust the respirator’s back-up batteries.
Yeah, sure…obviously. How freakin’ retarded of me not to see that.
But what really put the icing on the cake for Dov was the way this cold, unfeeling geek told him about the Sheriff Department’s findings, that his fall was officially ruled an accident — a horrible, life shredding quirk of fate, and something which his brother appeared to have had nothing to do with. To hear this clown in the hospital greens tell it, Michael had actually been commended for jumping in and trying to save him.
“So you see, son, you’re pretty lucky to even be here.”
Yeah, that’s me. Pretty freakin’ lucky. I’m paralyzed, you nearsighted, condescending asshole! Can’t even eat or breathe on my own, ever again. And I’m gonna be like this for another fifty, maybe sixty years? And you think I’m lucky to be alive? You want to trade places?
Looking down at Dov, the man was struck by how calm and generally at peace this kid looked. Christ, if it had been him, he would have been bouncing off walls by now.
No doubt about it, this boy had been through a lot, and would have a whole lot more to get through before it was all over.
“Gotta hand it to you, son. You’re taking this set-back a damnsite better than I could have.”
He placed his hand on Dov’s shoulder.
“Look, you hang in there. If there’s anything you want or need…you just let us know.”
He caught himself, and chuckled self-consciously at having just said something so insensitive to the boy.
“Sorry about that, young man. I guess you really can’t communicate with anyone, can you?”
As the doctor turned and left the room, Dov continued to lay there silent and still, while the phalanx of respirators and electronic monitors next to his bed gave off their tones and beeps, letting the nursing staff know his condition was as normal as could be expected.
He followed the compassionless doctor as far as he could with his eyes, until the man disappeared from the periphery of his vision.
You call this LIVING?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
I’ve got nothing to live for. And another fifty years to live it out in?
Hey, I’ll tell you exactly what I want…
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
I WANT TO DIE! I need to get this nightmare everyone calls my life over with!
You think you can help me out, ass breath?
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
You think I’m so lucky to be alive, Doc?
Do me a favor. From now on..?
Please, don’t do me any more freakin’ favors!
Hisssssssssss-plunk.
